A mother was made -

Disclaimer: (If anyone would like to comment to me about this poem, please do so via e-mail at mistyarizona@hotmail.com, as my personal life is very private, and although I draw from my life to write, I never reveal persons identities "and assumptions, you are right, are not very nice". I ask that you respect this, as I have respected, all that you have asked of me.) 

Something beautiful came my way – nine months later - on cold – winters day

Wrapped in linen – the world to see – the sin of love - that grew – inside of me

I labored long – and born the pain – for another woman – who would raise my seed

She who would see – this piece of me – grow and shine – from my womb – would be

She held tight – when I cried out in pain – the loss was mine – for her to gain

Little foot steps – raised far from - my sight – never knowing – my love – given not a gain

She paid her lot – I paid not the same – and gave another – my love – unselfishly – no matter the pain

Years they pass – and who’s to say – what mothers – love is – or how – it may be - kept at a far

Time does not heal – all pains you see – when one thinks – they have bought – the very core of me

If I had known – what I know today – that another felt – I beholden – because of fee – they did pay

Giving - my first love – would have been given to me – for my love holds - no cost - no fee

I have loved all - I hold near – I have never considered fee – a levy to life – giving without love – is not a fair price

So – you go on holding my love – at a cost – you go on holding her tight – at our loss

You have coveted my gift – and lied of me - I am sure – so never to lose – cause – you wanted her – yours - that she is – no one dare say not – because you have the receipt – and then you dared plot

To defile – a love - given not gained – you have distorted my love and made it pure shame

You have caused – this little one – to think badly of me – you have lied – so you may seem – that you are the better of me – and in this – she never will want – look for a love – given without gain but in agony and pain

Oh how my heart grieves – for you - not for me – for in my sin of love  – was given freely – and through your shame – of feeling less than me – you coveted my heart – and closed her away – from a mother who longs to hold her – if only just - once again

In saying this – I know it comes to mind – that I signed her away – so she is yours – not mine – for I am not the mother her – the signature is clear

So this is true and you are in the right – but don’t ever think I don’t care of her plight – I will always wonder – why she dare not look for me – and I know - now it is because thee

You lied and you twisted all that I am – so she would never dare to think she was loved even then – by a young girl – alone and afraid – who gave all that she had – and you a mother was made

The Backward Slide

Sharing life – through sowing seed – as a matter of – judgment – we do deceive – requiring others – through our master plan – to gather their hearts – to become one man – looking onward – never back – to see what – makes – another’s past lack – asking only wisdom – from them now - with expectation

we do proceed – by holding accountable – their unknown tale – of the others life – we do judgment to prevail – in breaking the spirit – because we choose to see - only today – as if the past – had no seed – and - can fade away – in this - the others life becomes void – because their experience is required – put aside

we say – go on live – let the other man die – he was worth nothing – and in this - begins – the backward side
along their journey – of stumbling through time - this self made man – had done no crime –other than- to live as though not dead – to live a life without expectation or pride – to hold his head up high - to say – I am here – I am alive

Then along came we – the better ones – life is living - only through what we see - as being - a life worth life indeed – holding accountable all we see – requiring others to live - according to our – self made boundaries

Thus -the backward side – old man dies – but really – he just hides – he holds his head in shame – with grief – no one sees – how we have deceived – how requiring the old life to fade way – has caused new man to dig his own grave – never understanding the old man’s use – the protective skin – of the new man youth

we asked of him and then walked away – leaving the new man bare and afraid – we tell him – all the while – it will be ok – have faith – and we smile – as though faith and a smile – will armor – the shame – of not knowing how to live – according to another’s plan – we gave him the blue prints – of a new life – indeed – but we forgot it takes our hand to help grow the seed

If you are not willing to tend the soil – to remove the weeds – of old – which will come – if you cannot bear the heat – then I ask – don’t bother in planting the seed – for then all you have done – is created a new life that weeds will over run – and in doing so – you created the plan – of another’s grave – which you did not intend - and that is on your hands